Senior Officers no longer allowed to Harrumph

General Blackadder visits the Chief of the Defence Staff - Field Marshall Melchert.

Field Marshall Melchert:
Ah Blackadder - need to talk to you about a serious matter.

General Blackadder
Yes Sir - overstretch of our Armed Forces ? the draw down from Afghanistan ? Future shape of our Reserve Forces ?

Field Marshall Melchert:
No Blackadder - more serious than that

General Blackadder
Then do enlighten me

Field Marshall Melchert:
Harrumphing Blackadder, Harrumphing

General Blackadder
Harrumphing !! Sir !!!

Field Marshall Melchert:

You know, if there's one thing I've learned from being in the army, it's never ignore a harrumph.

I knew a colonel, who harrumphed, made the mistake of ignorring the harrumph, fatal error, because as it turned our the colonel who was harrumphing, was being harrumphed by other officers, and the colonel who was hurrmuphing them, was hurrumphing their hurrumphs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment -- morale totally destroyed ...
by harrumphing.

General Blackadder
I think we may de drfiting away from important matters, sir

Field Marshall Melchert:
Nonsense Blackadder, nonsense.

General Blackadder
Indeed, sir

Libya Military Campaign 'Has Cost UK £250m'

No 10 Downing Street - Prime Ministers Office

Prime Minister:

Pip Pip Blackadder

General Black Adder:

Good morning Sir. Now is there anything you wanted ?

Prime Minister:

Yes, I'm rotten stinking stoning stinking broke!

General Black Adder:

But Sir, What about all that money that Parliment voted for your Big Society ?

Prime Minister:

All gone I'm afraid. You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun
new game. It's called "Mission Creep ".

What happens is, you sit round the table talking and send Her Majesty’s Armed forces to foreign lands to fight. The object of the game is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.

Do you know it?

General Blackadder:

Vagueky Sir, yes

Prime Minister:

All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.

The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty dammed expensive. So basically, I was wondering if you could fund it all within the current reducing defence expenditure budget.

General Blackadder:

You want me to fight in Afghanistan,  conduct operations in Libya and reduce the spending in the British Army.

 Prime Minister:

Precislely, good man

General Blackadder:

Well, that is a very attracive proposition, but unfortunately not practical. You see we need to ensure our troops or adequately rotated, properly trained and equipped, as well as ensuring the appropriate level of resources for the mission.

Prime Minister:

Ah, hm, that is a point. I tell you what: I'll do the talking and you do the fighting.

General Blackadder:

Oh, excellent, excellent, glad I checked.

The head of the Army, General Sir Peter Wall, joined his Navy and RAF counterparts in questioning military capability in the future in a tougher economic climate.
On Monday, David Cameron said the military should stick to the 'fighting" while he did the 'talking'.
Labour leader Ed Miliband picked up on the comment during Prime Minister's Questions, accusing him of being "crass and high-handed".
"When our military chiefs raise concerns, legitimate concerns about the conduct of our operations, surely it's not the right thing to say: 'You do the fighting and I'll do the talking'."
Mr Cameron responded by saying he had "huge respect" for the Armed Forces' top brass.

"The only point I've tried to make in recent days is that, when you're at war... in Afghanistan and Libya, I think it's very important, whether you're a political leader or military leader, to think very carefully about what you're about to say," he said.

Apache Helicopters to deploy to Libya

Ministry of Defence, Head of the British Army General Blackadders Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Oh, dash and blast all this hanging about, sir! I'm as bored as a pacifist pistol. When are we going to see some action?

General Blackadder:

Well, George, I strongly suspect that your long wait is nearly at an end. Surely you must have noticed something in the air...

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Well, yes, of course, but I thought that was Private Baldrick.

General Blackadder:

Unless I'm very much mistaken, soon we will be dragged further into the Libyan mission

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Well, hurrah with highly polished brass knobs on! About time!

Phone rings

General Blackadder:

Hello; the Whitehall Public Baths -- no running, shouting, or piddling in the shallow end. Ah,Prime Minister. Tomorrow at dawn. Oh,excellent.

See you later, then. Bye.

(hangs up)

Gentlemen, our long wait is nearly at an end. Tomorrow morning, Prime Insanity Minister invites you to mission creep. We're sending Apaches helicopters to Libya.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Well, huzzah and hurrah! God Save the Queen, Rule Britannia, and Boo Sucks Colonel Gadaffi.

Colonel Flasheart – Army Air Corps

That's right. Goggles on, chocks away,last one back's a homo!  Hurray!

Libya Apache deployment approved by David Cameron

The UK is sending four Apache attack helicopters to the mission in Libya, after approval by the prime minister.

 If called upon, they will allow for swifter attacks on a wider range of smaller targets in urban areas.

Royal Air Force to support Libyan Operations

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Crikey!  Looks like the Royal Airforce are getting a bit of action in Libya. Thrilling what, Sir.

Up-diddly-up, down-diddly-down, whoops-poop, twiddly-dee, a decent scrap with the fiendish Libyans, a bit of a jolly old crash landing behind enemy lines, capture, torture, escape and
then back home in time for tea and medals.

Private Baldrick:

Whooosssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  Taca Taca TAca Boom

General Blackadder:

Baldrick, what are you doing?

Private Baldrick:

I'm a Typhoon Jet, Sir.

General Blackadder:

Oh, it is a Typhoon Jet .Ah, right, I always get confused between the sound of a Typhoon Jet and the sound of a malodourous runt wasting everybodys time.

Anyhow they will need to send Tornados.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

And why is that Sir ?

General Blackadder:

The Typhoon was designed as an air to air fighter, it is not expected to be ready for a ground role till 2016. We would be better sending the Womens Auxillary Baloon Corps.

Private Baldrick:
Message from HQ, sir.

General Blackadder:

"Typhoon aircraft from RAF Coningsby and RAF Leuchars deployed forward to Gioia del Colle in southern Italy on Sunday.
"Today, Typhoons flew their first ever combat mission while patrolling the no-fly zone in support of UNSCR 1973.
"Coalition forces' action has, over the weekend, stopped Colonel Gaddafi's forces from seizing control of Benghazi.
"GR4 Tornados left RAF Marham in Norfolk this afternoon on an air reconnaissance mission over Libya as part of Operation ELLAMY. The Tornados have now landed at Gioia del Colle which will be their new base of operations, as we had planned."

Typhoon

Tornado

Libyan Crisis

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Tally-ho pip-pip and Bernard's your uncle.

General Blackadder:

In English we say, "Good Morning".

So what is happening in the World ?

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Seems to be bit of a rumpus in Libya

General Blackadder:
Now lets see

"What began as peaceful protests demanding that human rights lawyer Fathi Turbel be released from prison on February 15 is now a full-fledged revolution. "


and President Obama does not rule out military action

Capt  George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Does that meean we will be off to give Colonel Gadaffi a darned good British  style thrashing, six of the best, trousers down?

General Blackadder:

George, our forces are overstretched in Afghanistan, the country is broke, the Royal Navy is loosing it's Aircraft Carriers and ships we would need to support an operation, the Harrier fleet is being disbanded, the RAF can not afford to fly it's aircraft and the Regimental Goat of the Welch Regiment is on half rations.

No George, I am afraid you will be sitting this one out.

   [The telephone rings, General Blackadder picks it up.]

General  Blackadder:
Hello, the Savoy Grill. Oh, it's you..... yes..... yes,  I'll be over in 40 minutes

Private Baldrick:      

Who was it then sir?

General  Blackadder:

 Strangely enough Baldrick, it was Pope Benedict XVI,  inviting me for drinks aboard his steam-yacht "The Saucy  Sue", currently wintering in Montego Bay with the England Cricket team and the Balinese goddess of plenty.
Private Baldrick:  
Really?
General  Blackadder:
 No, not really. I'm ordered to see the minister. No doubt that idiot  is about to offer me some attractive new opportunities to have my Soldiers brains blown out for Britain.


Dr Liam Fox gives interview on deployment of Uk Forces to Libya.

UK foces, alongside coalition partners from NATO, will implement a "No-Fly Zone"
over Libya in accordance with UN Resolution 4.952 to prevent attacks on Libyan
civilians by the Gaddaffi Regime.

Accommpanied by Gen Sir David Richards,
CDS, and Air Vice Marshall Sir Paddy McGuinness, who had both just left the MOD
weekly Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Gay and Transgender Seminar in Main Building, Mr Fox
emphasised the importance of Britain's role in these measures.

He said 
"The (UK) as a global power have a moral duty to lead the world in ensuring that genocide does not take place under an undemocratic and dangerous regime that we are now seeing take effect in Libya"