Thursday, 9 May 2013
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
Thursday, 7 February 2013
Women on the frontline: the right to fight
The armed forces are considering whether to (finally) allow women to serve on submarines – and in close combat units
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/jun/23/women-in-armed-forces
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/jun/23/women-in-armed-forces
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Army shuts down for Christmas
http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/uk_news/Defence/article1170479.ece
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
Good morning Sir, message from Ministry of Defence.
General Blackadder:
O ne
waits with a due sense of trepidation and dread
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
LAND FORCES CHRISTMAS 2012 & NEW YEAR 2013 BLOCK LEAVE DIRECTIVE
Well basically Sir it says the British Army is
granted extra leave in order to save on gas and electricity bills.
General Blackadder:
So where as everyone else in the country turn downs the heating and put on a pullover…the British Army closes down.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
Does seem a bit barking sir, what happens if there is an emergency?
General Blackadder:
Thankfully George any belligerent will be so busy falling about laughing they will not be able to mount any form of attack.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
It does say we can
work from home
General Blackadder:
So what are you going to do George, dig a hole in your back garden, fill it with water and get your gamekeeper to shoot at you ?
Right George take a message to be sent to all Army Personnel.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
Right Sir
General Blackadder:
Personnel working from home are to ensure that special to arm training continues:
Special Air Service should use the weapons and ammunition kept at home to set a range up in the garden.
Parachute Regiment are to jump out of upstairs windows and practice landing.
Line infantry will be required to dig a hole and sit in it over the leave period. They may leave the hole on Christmas Day for a game of football and exchange gifts with neighbours.
Guards should parade up and down outside their houses whilst whistling their respective regimental marches.
Armoured Regiments are to take care when careening down the high street and minimise damage.
The Royal Artillery
should take their guns home but must ensure that all rounds fired land on waste
ground and not the school playing fields.
Royal Engineers are to request a meccano or lego set from Santa Claus and build sangars, bridges and defensive positions in the living room
Royal Logistics
Corps cooks should establish field kitchens for the cooking of Christmas Lunch.
RLC drivers should practice picking up the wrong items from Tesco’s and
delivering them really late.
Military Police should arrest themselves and be incarcerated in the cupboard under the stairs.
REME are to undertake routine maintenance on their cars and household equipment.
Army Legal services are to ensure no liability rests with the British Army for damage caused to cars and household appliances worked on by the REME.
RAMC should perform
any minor operations required on family members.
AGC should write letters to Santa.
In the evening, personnel who go to the local hostelry should Walt. Suitable stories include “remember when we went back after leave in the winter of 2011 etc etc.
That should do it
George.
Capt George
Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
What will you do sir ?
General Blackadder:
Baldrick
Private Baldrick:
Yes sir
General Blackadder:
Get me a pair of underpants and two pencils.
The Army is attempting to cut its energy bills by closing bases
THE British Army has been ordered to take an extended 25-day Christmas holiday or “work from home” in an attempt to cut its gas and electricity bills.
In a move that former military commanders say is unprecedented, a leaked memo from a general says all military and civilian personnel in land forces — amounting to 110,000 men and women — are to take “block leave” for 25 days from December 14 until January 7.
The decision means all army barracks, Territorial Army buildings and other military sites in Britain will close for almost four weeks to provide “an opportunity for utility savings”.
Although it says the closure is in recognition of the extra workload for the Olympics, which involved 18,000 personnel, the order applies to almost the entire army. It adds that the aim is “to fully exploit the utility efficiencies available by closing down buildings/working areas over this period”.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
Good morning Sir, message from Ministry of Defence.
General Blackadder:
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
LAND FORCES CHRISTMAS 2012 & NEW YEAR 2013 BLOCK LEAVE DIRECTIVE
General Blackadder:
So where as everyone else in the country turn downs the heating and put on a pullover…the British Army closes down.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
Does seem a bit barking sir, what happens if there is an emergency?
Thankfully George any belligerent will be so busy falling about laughing they will not be able to mount any form of attack.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
General Blackadder:
So what are you going to do George, dig a hole in your back garden, fill it with water and get your gamekeeper to shoot at you ?
Right George take a message to be sent to all Army Personnel.
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):
Right Sir
General Blackadder:
Personnel working from home are to ensure that special to arm training continues:
Special Air Service should use the weapons and ammunition kept at home to set a range up in the garden.
Parachute Regiment are to jump out of upstairs windows and practice landing.
Line infantry will be required to dig a hole and sit in it over the leave period. They may leave the hole on Christmas Day for a game of football and exchange gifts with neighbours.
Guards should parade up and down outside their houses whilst whistling their respective regimental marches.
Armoured Regiments are to take care when careening down the high street and minimise damage.
Royal Engineers are to request a meccano or lego set from Santa Claus and build sangars, bridges and defensive positions in the living room
Military Police should arrest themselves and be incarcerated in the cupboard under the stairs.
REME are to undertake routine maintenance on their cars and household equipment.
Army Legal services are to ensure no liability rests with the British Army for damage caused to cars and household appliances worked on by the REME.
AGC should write letters to Santa.
In the evening, personnel who go to the local hostelry should Walt. Suitable stories include “remember when we went back after leave in the winter of 2011 etc etc.
What will you do sir ?
Baldrick
Private Baldrick:
Yes sir
General Blackadder:
Get me a pair of underpants and two pencils.
THE British Army has been ordered to take an extended 25-day Christmas holiday or “work from home” in an attempt to cut its gas and electricity bills.
In a move that former military commanders say is unprecedented, a leaked memo from a general says all military and civilian personnel in land forces — amounting to 110,000 men and women — are to take “block leave” for 25 days from December 14 until January 7.
The decision means all army barracks, Territorial Army buildings and other military sites in Britain will close for almost four weeks to provide “an opportunity for utility savings”.
Although it says the closure is in recognition of the extra workload for the Olympics, which involved 18,000 personnel, the order applies to almost the entire army. It adds that the aim is “to fully exploit the utility efficiencies available by closing down buildings/working areas over this period”.
Blackadder works from home
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Senior Officers no longer allowed to Harrumph
General Blackadder visits the Chief of the Defence Staff - Field Marshall Melchert.
Field Marshall Melchert:
Ah Blackadder - need to talk to you about a serious matter.
General Blackadder
Yes Sir - overstretch of our Armed Forces ? the draw down from Afghanistan ? Future shape of our Reserve Forces ?
Field Marshall Melchert:
No Blackadder - more serious than that
General Blackadder
Then do enlighten me
Field Marshall Melchert:
Harrumphing Blackadder, Harrumphing
General Blackadder
Harrumphing !! Sir !!!
Field Marshall Melchert:
You know, if there's one thing I've learned from being in the army, it's never ignore a harrumph.
I knew a colonel, who harrumphed, made the mistake of ignorring the harrumph, fatal error, because as it turned our the colonel who was harrumphing, was being harrumphed by other officers, and the colonel who was hurrmuphing them, was hurrumphing their hurrumphs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment -- morale totally destroyed ...
by harrumphing.
General Blackadder
I think we may de drfiting away from important matters, sir
Field Marshall Melchert:
Nonsense Blackadder, nonsense.
General Blackadder
Indeed, sir
Field Marshall Melchert:
Ah Blackadder - need to talk to you about a serious matter.
General Blackadder
Yes Sir - overstretch of our Armed Forces ? the draw down from Afghanistan ? Future shape of our Reserve Forces ?
Field Marshall Melchert:
No Blackadder - more serious than that
General Blackadder
Then do enlighten me
Field Marshall Melchert:
Harrumphing Blackadder, Harrumphing
General Blackadder
Harrumphing !! Sir !!!
Field Marshall Melchert:
You know, if there's one thing I've learned from being in the army, it's never ignore a harrumph.
I knew a colonel, who harrumphed, made the mistake of ignorring the harrumph, fatal error, because as it turned our the colonel who was harrumphing, was being harrumphed by other officers, and the colonel who was hurrmuphing them, was hurrumphing their hurrumphs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment -- morale totally destroyed ...
by harrumphing.
General Blackadder
I think we may de drfiting away from important matters, sir
Field Marshall Melchert:
Nonsense Blackadder, nonsense.
General Blackadder
Indeed, sir
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Libya Military Campaign 'Has Cost UK £250m'
No 10 Downing Street - Prime Ministers Office
Prime Minister:
Pip Pip Blackadder
General Black Adder:
Good morning Sir. Now is there anything you wanted ?
Prime Minister:
Yes, I'm rotten stinking stoning stinking broke!
General Black Adder:
But Sir, What about all that money that Parliment voted for your Big Society ?
Prime Minister:
All gone I'm afraid. You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun
new game. It's called "Mission Creep ".
What happens is, you sit round the table talking and send Her Majesty’s Armed forces to foreign lands to fight. The object of the game is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.
Do you know it?
General Blackadder:
Vagueky Sir, yes
Prime Minister:
All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.
The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty dammed expensive. So basically, I was wondering if you could fund it all within the current reducing defence expenditure budget.
You want me to fight in Afghanistan, conduct operations in Libya and reduce the spending in the British Army.
Prime Minister:
Precislely, good man
General Blackadder:
Well, that is a very attracive proposition, but unfortunately not practical. You see we need to ensure our troops or adequately rotated, properly trained and equipped, as well as ensuring the appropriate level of resources for the mission.
Prime Minister:
Ah, hm, that is a point. I tell you what: I'll do the talking and you do the fighting.
General Blackadder:
Oh, excellent, excellent, glad I checked.
The head of the Army, General Sir Peter Wall, joined his Navy and RAF counterparts in questioning military capability in the future in a tougher economic climate.
On Monday, David Cameron said the military should stick to the 'fighting" while he did the 'talking'.
Labour leader Ed Miliband picked up on the comment during Prime Minister's Questions, accusing him of being "crass and high-handed".
"When our military chiefs raise concerns, legitimate concerns about the conduct of our operations, surely it's not the right thing to say: 'You do the fighting and I'll do the talking'."
Mr Cameron responded by saying he had "huge respect" for the Armed Forces' top brass.
"The only point I've tried to make in recent days is that, when you're at war... in Afghanistan and Libya, I think it's very important, whether you're a political leader or military leader, to think very carefully about what you're about to say," he said.
Prime Minister:
Pip Pip Blackadder
General Black Adder:
Good morning Sir. Now is there anything you wanted ?
Prime Minister:
Yes, I'm rotten stinking stoning stinking broke!
General Black Adder:
But Sir, What about all that money that Parliment voted for your Big Society ?
Prime Minister:
All gone I'm afraid. You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun
new game. It's called "Mission Creep ".
What happens is, you sit round the table talking and send Her Majesty’s Armed forces to foreign lands to fight. The object of the game is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.
Do you know it?
General Blackadder:
Vagueky Sir, yes
Prime Minister:
All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.
The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty dammed expensive. So basically, I was wondering if you could fund it all within the current reducing defence expenditure budget.
General Blackadder:
You want me to fight in Afghanistan, conduct operations in Libya and reduce the spending in the British Army.
Prime Minister:
Precislely, good man
General Blackadder:
Well, that is a very attracive proposition, but unfortunately not practical. You see we need to ensure our troops or adequately rotated, properly trained and equipped, as well as ensuring the appropriate level of resources for the mission.
Prime Minister:
Ah, hm, that is a point. I tell you what: I'll do the talking and you do the fighting.
General Blackadder:
Oh, excellent, excellent, glad I checked.
The head of the Army, General Sir Peter Wall, joined his Navy and RAF counterparts in questioning military capability in the future in a tougher economic climate.
On Monday, David Cameron said the military should stick to the 'fighting" while he did the 'talking'.
Labour leader Ed Miliband picked up on the comment during Prime Minister's Questions, accusing him of being "crass and high-handed".
"When our military chiefs raise concerns, legitimate concerns about the conduct of our operations, surely it's not the right thing to say: 'You do the fighting and I'll do the talking'."
Mr Cameron responded by saying he had "huge respect" for the Armed Forces' top brass.
"The only point I've tried to make in recent days is that, when you're at war... in Afghanistan and Libya, I think it's very important, whether you're a political leader or military leader, to think very carefully about what you're about to say," he said.
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