Army shuts down for Christmas

http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/uk_news/Defence/article1170479.ece

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Good morning Sir, message from Ministry of Defence.
 
General Blackadder:

 One waits with a due sense of trepidation and dread
 
Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

LAND FORCES CHRISTMAS 2012 & NEW YEAR 2013  BLOCK LEAVE DIRECTIVE

 Well basically Sir it says the British Army is granted extra leave in order to save on gas and electricity bills.

General Blackadder:

So where as everyone else in the country turn downs the heating and put on a pullover…the British Army closes down.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Does seem a bit barking sir, what happens if there is an emergency?

 General Blackadder:

Thankfully George any belligerent will be so busy falling about laughing they will not be able to mount any form of attack.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

 It does say we can work from home

General Blackadder:

So what are you going to do George, dig a hole in your back garden, fill it with water and get your gamekeeper to shoot at you ?
 
Right George take a message to be sent to all Army Personnel.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Right Sir
 
General Blackadder:

Personnel working from home are to ensure that special to arm training continues:

Special Air Service should use the weapons and ammunition kept at home to set a range up in the garden.
 
Parachute Regiment are to jump out of upstairs windows and practice landing.

Line infantry will be required to dig a hole and sit in it over the leave period. They may leave the hole on Christmas Day for a game of football and exchange gifts with neighbours.

Guards should parade up and down outside their houses whilst whistling their respective regimental marches.

Armoured Regiments are to take care when careening down the high street and minimise damage.

 The Royal Artillery should take their guns home but must ensure that all rounds fired land on waste ground and not the school playing fields.

Royal Engineers are to request a meccano or lego set from Santa Claus and build sangars, bridges and defensive positions in the living room

 Royal Logistics Corps cooks should establish field kitchens for the cooking of Christmas Lunch. RLC drivers should practice picking up the wrong items from Tesco’s and delivering them really late.

Military Police should arrest themselves and be incarcerated in the cupboard under the stairs.

REME are to undertake routine maintenance on their cars and household equipment.

Army Legal services are to ensure no liability rests with the British Army for damage caused to cars and household appliances worked on by the REME.

 RAMC should perform any minor operations required on family members.

AGC should write letters to Santa.
 

In the evening, personnel who go to the local hostelry should Walt.  Suitable stories include “remember when we went back after leave in the winter of 2011 etc etc.

 That should do it George.

 Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

What will you do sir ?

 General Blackadder:

Baldrick

Private Baldrick:

Yes sir

General Blackadder:

Get me a pair of underpants and two pencils.

 
The Army is attempting to cut its energy bills by closing bases
 
THE British Army has been ordered to take an extended 25-day Christmas holiday or “work from home” in an attempt to cut its gas and electricity bills.
In a move that former military commanders say is unprecedented, a leaked memo from a general says all military and civilian personnel in land forces — amounting to 110,000 men and women — are to take “block leave” for 25 days from December 14 until January 7.
The decision means all army barracks, Territorial Army buildings and other military sites in Britain will close for almost four weeks to provide “an opportunity for utility savings”.
Although it says the closure is in recognition of the extra workload for the Olympics, which involved 18,000 personnel, the order applies to almost the entire army. It adds that the aim is “to fully exploit the utility efficiencies available by closing down buildings/working areas over this period”.

 

Blackadder works from home