Lest We Forget

The Stragetic Defence and Security Reveiw (SDSR)

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"see the Prime Minister has a cunning plan for defence of dear old blighty, Sir"

General Blackadder:

"Theres only one problem, George"

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"and what is that Sir"

General Blackadder:

"Its Bollocks !!!"

The Stragetic Defence and Security Reveiw (SDSR)

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"Right Sir just got your copy of the The Stragetic Defence and Security Reveiw (SDSR)
http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/documents/digitalasset/dg_191634.pdf?CID=PDF&PLA=furl&CRE=sdsr
General Blackadder:

"Thanks George, lets see what the idiots have come up with this time......
so they are going to de-commission the Ark Royal - something the the Spanish Amada, Kaiser Bill, Hitler and the Argentinians could not achieve, a load of pen pushers have finally finished her off.

HMS Ark Royal

Well I suppose we have the new Aircraft carriers.........
we only need one..so we are building two because a lunatic signed an agreement to save jobs which just happened to be near his constituency

Can it get any worse...................
The Harrier fleet is being withdrawn so there are no aircraft available till 2020 !!!

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"Sir, if Aircraft Carriers have no aircraft does that mean they become plain old Carriers"

Private Baldrick:

"I have a cunning plan....we could let the French planes use them"

General Blackadder:

“Baldrick

Private Baldrick:

“General B”

General Blackadder:

"get me two pencils, a pair of underpants"

Commitment to our Troops

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

General Blackadder :    

 “Right George I am off to Downing Street”

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

“Well huzzar and hurrar, more troops for Afghanistan, and yah boo sucks to Terry Taleban”

General Blackadder:

“No George, I suspect the Prime Minister is making yet another gargantuan effort to pay 10p off his trillion pound deficit”

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

“Sir I feel pos this time we will get troops and helicopters”

General Blackadder:

“George, you are deluded as a Chancellor of the Exchequer who thinks he can end boom and bust economics”

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

 “O come on Sir, whatever happens it sure is worth it”

General Blackadder:

“Worth it, George,  we have been sitting in Afghanistan for 8 years during which time we have lost hundreds of men, and have  more  Members of Parliament whose expenses are not a dodgy than we have voters in Helmand province.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

“That’s the thing I really don’t understand General, you are a professional soldier, but sometimes I ballywell think you haven’t enjoyed soldiering at all”

General Blackadder:

“You see George, I did like it, back in the old days when the prerequisite of a British Campaign was we had leadership, a clear plan and an end state.

“No when I joined up I never imagined anything as awful as this shambles. The Army then had troops to do the job, helicopters to fly over IED’s and the stabilisation plan was enquiring if you did it doggy doggy style in Serbo-Croatian”

Downing Street, General Blackadder enters the cabinet room,  the Chancellor of the Exchequer is seated at a table

General Blackadder:

“What do you want, Darling”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“Prime Minister Brown wants to see you about an important matter”

Prime Minister Brown Enters the Room

Prime Minister Brown

“What’s going on Darling?”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“General Blackadder to see you about the military matter

Prime Minister Brown

 “General Blackadder I am committed to our troops in Iraq”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“Afghanistan Sir”

Prime Minister Brown

“We have troops in Afghanistan?”

“We can’t afford to send all the required troops, armoured vehicles and helicopters to Afghanistan”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“We haven’t Sir, we sent a few troops out and told everyone we had given the military everything they wanted”

Prime Minister Brown

“Excellent, Excellent”

“All those civil servants to pay, just can’t afford to spend willy nilly on the Army”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“No sir”

Prime Minister Brown

“Right Blackadder, I have formulated a brilliant new economic plan to ensure the effective defence of our country by spending no money”

General Blackadder:

 “Could this plan involve closing down the TA for six months, so everyone goes away and nobody comes back except Captain Byers, Private  Baldrick and the mascot of the Berkshire Hussars, Tortoise Alan!”

“The same plan we have done a number of times before which usually leads to our volunteers going to war with inadequate training and equipment”

Prime Minister Brown

 “No not same plan Blackadder, in this one, we are investing in the TA”

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

General Blackadder:

“Baldrick

Private Baldrick:

“General B”

General Blackadder:

“Right Baldrick, this is a crisis, a large crisis, so large it is like a banker’s bonus, with an enormous sign on the top saying ‘this is a large crisis’. A large crisis requires a large plan, get me two pencils, a pair of underpants and an application to become the defence spokesman in the of the monster-raving loony party”