Royal Air Force to support Libyan Operations

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Crikey!  Looks like the Royal Airforce are getting a bit of action in Libya. Thrilling what, Sir.

Up-diddly-up, down-diddly-down, whoops-poop, twiddly-dee, a decent scrap with the fiendish Libyans, a bit of a jolly old crash landing behind enemy lines, capture, torture, escape and
then back home in time for tea and medals.

Private Baldrick:

Whooosssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  Taca Taca TAca Boom

General Blackadder:

Baldrick, what are you doing?

Private Baldrick:

I'm a Typhoon Jet, Sir.

General Blackadder:

Oh, it is a Typhoon Jet .Ah, right, I always get confused between the sound of a Typhoon Jet and the sound of a malodourous runt wasting everybodys time.

Anyhow they will need to send Tornados.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

And why is that Sir ?

General Blackadder:

The Typhoon was designed as an air to air fighter, it is not expected to be ready for a ground role till 2016. We would be better sending the Womens Auxillary Baloon Corps.

Private Baldrick:
Message from HQ, sir.

General Blackadder:

"Typhoon aircraft from RAF Coningsby and RAF Leuchars deployed forward to Gioia del Colle in southern Italy on Sunday.
"Today, Typhoons flew their first ever combat mission while patrolling the no-fly zone in support of UNSCR 1973.
"Coalition forces' action has, over the weekend, stopped Colonel Gaddafi's forces from seizing control of Benghazi.
"GR4 Tornados left RAF Marham in Norfolk this afternoon on an air reconnaissance mission over Libya as part of Operation ELLAMY. The Tornados have now landed at Gioia del Colle which will be their new base of operations, as we had planned."

Typhoon

Tornado

Libyan Crisis

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Tally-ho pip-pip and Bernard's your uncle.

General Blackadder:

In English we say, "Good Morning".

So what is happening in the World ?

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Seems to be bit of a rumpus in Libya

General Blackadder:
Now lets see

"What began as peaceful protests demanding that human rights lawyer Fathi Turbel be released from prison on February 15 is now a full-fledged revolution. "


and President Obama does not rule out military action

Capt  George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

Does that meean we will be off to give Colonel Gadaffi a darned good British  style thrashing, six of the best, trousers down?

General Blackadder:

George, our forces are overstretched in Afghanistan, the country is broke, the Royal Navy is loosing it's Aircraft Carriers and ships we would need to support an operation, the Harrier fleet is being disbanded, the RAF can not afford to fly it's aircraft and the Regimental Goat of the Welch Regiment is on half rations.

No George, I am afraid you will be sitting this one out.

   [The telephone rings, General Blackadder picks it up.]

General  Blackadder:
Hello, the Savoy Grill. Oh, it's you..... yes..... yes,  I'll be over in 40 minutes

Private Baldrick:      

Who was it then sir?

General  Blackadder:

 Strangely enough Baldrick, it was Pope Benedict XVI,  inviting me for drinks aboard his steam-yacht "The Saucy  Sue", currently wintering in Montego Bay with the England Cricket team and the Balinese goddess of plenty.
Private Baldrick:  
Really?
General  Blackadder:
 No, not really. I'm ordered to see the minister. No doubt that idiot  is about to offer me some attractive new opportunities to have my Soldiers brains blown out for Britain.


Dr Liam Fox gives interview on deployment of Uk Forces to Libya.

UK foces, alongside coalition partners from NATO, will implement a "No-Fly Zone"
over Libya in accordance with UN Resolution 4.952 to prevent attacks on Libyan
civilians by the Gaddaffi Regime.

Accommpanied by Gen Sir David Richards,
CDS, and Air Vice Marshall Sir Paddy McGuinness, who had both just left the MOD
weekly Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Gay and Transgender Seminar in Main Building, Mr Fox
emphasised the importance of Britain's role in these measures.

He said 
"The (UK) as a global power have a moral duty to lead the world in ensuring that genocide does not take place under an undemocratic and dangerous regime that we are now seeing take effect in Libya"









 

Lest We Forget

The Stragetic Defence and Security Reveiw (SDSR)

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"see the Prime Minister has a cunning plan for defence of dear old blighty, Sir"

General Blackadder:

"Theres only one problem, George"

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"and what is that Sir"

General Blackadder:

"Its Bollocks !!!"

The Stragetic Defence and Security Reveiw (SDSR)

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"Right Sir just got your copy of the The Stragetic Defence and Security Reveiw (SDSR)
http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/documents/digitalasset/dg_191634.pdf?CID=PDF&PLA=furl&CRE=sdsr
General Blackadder:

"Thanks George, lets see what the idiots have come up with this time......
so they are going to de-commission the Ark Royal - something the the Spanish Amada, Kaiser Bill, Hitler and the Argentinians could not achieve, a load of pen pushers have finally finished her off.

HMS Ark Royal

Well I suppose we have the new Aircraft carriers.........
we only need one..so we are building two because a lunatic signed an agreement to save jobs which just happened to be near his constituency

Can it get any worse...................
The Harrier fleet is being withdrawn so there are no aircraft available till 2020 !!!

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

"Sir, if Aircraft Carriers have no aircraft does that mean they become plain old Carriers"

Private Baldrick:

"I have a cunning plan....we could let the French planes use them"

General Blackadder:

“Baldrick

Private Baldrick:

“General B”

General Blackadder:

"get me two pencils, a pair of underpants"

Commitment to our Troops

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

General Blackadder :    

 “Right George I am off to Downing Street”

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

“Well huzzar and hurrar, more troops for Afghanistan, and yah boo sucks to Terry Taleban”

General Blackadder:

“No George, I suspect the Prime Minister is making yet another gargantuan effort to pay 10p off his trillion pound deficit”

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

“Sir I feel pos this time we will get troops and helicopters”

General Blackadder:

“George, you are deluded as a Chancellor of the Exchequer who thinks he can end boom and bust economics”

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

 “O come on Sir, whatever happens it sure is worth it”

General Blackadder:

“Worth it, George,  we have been sitting in Afghanistan for 8 years during which time we have lost hundreds of men, and have  more  Members of Parliament whose expenses are not a dodgy than we have voters in Helmand province.

Capt George Coltburst St Barleigh (ADC):

“That’s the thing I really don’t understand General, you are a professional soldier, but sometimes I ballywell think you haven’t enjoyed soldiering at all”

General Blackadder:

“You see George, I did like it, back in the old days when the prerequisite of a British Campaign was we had leadership, a clear plan and an end state.

“No when I joined up I never imagined anything as awful as this shambles. The Army then had troops to do the job, helicopters to fly over IED’s and the stabilisation plan was enquiring if you did it doggy doggy style in Serbo-Croatian”

Downing Street, General Blackadder enters the cabinet room,  the Chancellor of the Exchequer is seated at a table

General Blackadder:

“What do you want, Darling”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“Prime Minister Brown wants to see you about an important matter”

Prime Minister Brown Enters the Room

Prime Minister Brown

“What’s going on Darling?”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“General Blackadder to see you about the military matter

Prime Minister Brown

 “General Blackadder I am committed to our troops in Iraq”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“Afghanistan Sir”

Prime Minister Brown

“We have troops in Afghanistan?”

“We can’t afford to send all the required troops, armoured vehicles and helicopters to Afghanistan”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“We haven’t Sir, we sent a few troops out and told everyone we had given the military everything they wanted”

Prime Minister Brown

“Excellent, Excellent”

“All those civil servants to pay, just can’t afford to spend willy nilly on the Army”

Chancellor of the Exchequer:

“No sir”

Prime Minister Brown

“Right Blackadder, I have formulated a brilliant new economic plan to ensure the effective defence of our country by spending no money”

General Blackadder:

 “Could this plan involve closing down the TA for six months, so everyone goes away and nobody comes back except Captain Byers, Private  Baldrick and the mascot of the Berkshire Hussars, Tortoise Alan!”

“The same plan we have done a number of times before which usually leads to our volunteers going to war with inadequate training and equipment”

Prime Minister Brown

 “No not same plan Blackadder, in this one, we are investing in the TA”

Ministry of Defence. Head of the British Army General Blackadder’s Office

General Blackadder:

“Baldrick

Private Baldrick:

“General B”

General Blackadder:

“Right Baldrick, this is a crisis, a large crisis, so large it is like a banker’s bonus, with an enormous sign on the top saying ‘this is a large crisis’. A large crisis requires a large plan, get me two pencils, a pair of underpants and an application to become the defence spokesman in the of the monster-raving loony party”